My To-Do List

Well, it has been nearly 3 weeks since I've written on this blog.  Not intentional.  I've just been busy trying to figure out what the Lord wants me to write about.  I have a lot of things going on in my head that sometimes it makes it hard for me to just STOP and take time out to hear from the Lord.

That's when the Lord usually has to hit me upside the head.  Of course I mean that figuratively and not literally, but he has to get my attention somehow. 

Recently my "Jesus Calling" devotional said:

"You yearn for a simplified lifestyle, so that your communication with Me can be uninterrupted.  But I challenge you to relinquish the fantasy of an uncluttered world.  Accept each day just as it comes, and find Me in the midst of it all.  Do not let your to-do list (written or mental) become an idol directing your life."

Boing!!

That was me hitting myself upside the head after the Lord gently nudged my heart and said, "This is what you have been doing."

I love a to-do list.  That's pretty much how I start my day, everyday.  What to-do, what to-do.  But recently I felt the Lord say that my to-do list was becoming my focus for the day and that I was losing sight of what He had for me.  My to-do list was taking precedence over my relationship with Jesus.

So I stopped.  I stopped making a list everyday and have made an effort to start my day saying, "Lord, what do you have for me today?"  I feel a lot more at peace and have stopped feeling like I have to get everything done that day.  That's hard for me.  When I want something done, I want it done now!

Patience, my friend, patience.  That is what the Lord has been building in me since graduation.  I just recently got my authorization to take my RN licensure exam.  I only had to wait nearly a month after I graduated for it.  I still have no job prospects while I have many friends who have already signed on the dotted line.  I also have a lot of things waiting in the wings, so to speak, that are all contingent on what kind of job I get and what kind of hours I have to work.  But I can't go there.  I cannot get ahead of the Lord.  Patience, my friend, patience.

I'm trying.  I've swapped my to-do list for some sweet time with the Lord and have been praying for more patience!

Zephaniah

Well, it's been a week since my last post.  It's been a busy, Lord-filled week.  A good one.  :)  Lots to say, but I want to focus on Zephaniah 3:17.


I love the Lord!!  I love the way he brings something to our attention and then keeps repeating it over and over and over until we get it.  Or at least until I get it!!  Like I've said before, I frequently ask the Lord to hit me up side the head with what he wants me to know.


I recently started a new women's group. We are doing a study called, "Falling In Love With Jesus".  Doesn't that just sound all warm and fuzzy.  For someone who has emotional attachment/expression issues this causes all kinds of uncomfortable feelings to occur.  I love the Lord, but am I in love with the Lord???!!  Sadly, I think my answer borderlines on a no or a maybe.


A week ago the memory verse for the week was Zephaniah 3:17.


"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."


I underlined the parts that make me uncomfortable.  I know.  Shouldn't I be jumping for joy in the fact that the Lord delights and rejoices over me??!!  The truth is, as a perfectionist, I feel like a failure pretty much all the time.  How can the Lord love me if I'm constantly failing at his commandments.  I frequently lose my patiences, follow my sinful-self instead of seeking the Lord first, the list could really go on and on.  I think that the Lord expects perfection b/c I expect perfection.  If I don't achieve that, then how can the Lord delight and rejoice over my mistakes??


Do I know the truth?  Yes!!  Absolutely I do.  The enemy just loves to trip me up.  I'm in constant need of the Lord's grace.


Which leads me to 2 things.  After some prayer from a dear friend this week, the Lord kept saying to her "recognition of grace".  Yes, I'm finding that the Lord wants me to explore grace more.  What it means to accept his grace, how to extend grace to others, how accepting grace can change my life.


The second thing....6 times this week the Lord had my path cross with Zephaniah 3:17.  Before this bible study, I never even knew the book of Zephaniah existed.  3 of the graduation cards I received this weekend had this exact verse word for word.  Do you think the Lord is trying to tell me something??!!


I felt so humbled and honored that he would make such an effort to have my path come across this verse over and over.  To remind me that no matter what I do he loves me, he has saved me, he delights and rejoices over me, and that his spirit will quiet and lead me in the way I should go.  


I think I may be falling in love with the Lord!!  ;)

Waiting

I had another post in the works, but the Lord did something so cool today that I have to write about that instead.  If you read my other blog you know that I've been under spiritual attack recently.  I'm happy to say that today I finally feel like I've "snapped" out of it.  You can't really snap out of a spiritual attack but I've been spending time with the Lord and have people praying for me.  


Today during Brendan's bible study at church he asked for the group to pray for me.  A dear friend of ours was given a vision for me from the Lord.  I'm going to try and not butcher the explanation, but some things get lost in translation.


My friend said that Jesus was walking into a hospital room and began getting it prepared for me.  I then came in and began taking care of a patient and light (Jesus' light within me) began shining out of my body.  She told me that the Lord is preparing a place for me to work.  That he will guide me to the right job.  That he has not brought me this far to leave me.  He will never forsake or leave me!  I am to practice putting on the armor of God because the enemy would love nothing more than to trip me up.  I am not to become anxious or overwhelmed about the things coming ahead.  I am to wait on the Lord.  He is preparing the way for me.


This vision was a sweet, tender gift to me from the Lord.  It made me cry.  I kept thanking the Lord for giving the vision to Maria so she could share it with me.  Later that day she called me back and said the Lord gave her Psalm 27 for me.  The theme for that psalm is, "God offers help for today and hope for the future.  Unwavering confidence in God is our antidote for fear and loneliness" (NIV translation).


My favorite part of Psalm 27 is verse 14, "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."


I will continue to wait for the Lord and his leading.  He has already impressed upon me that I am to take things ONE STEP AT A TIME.  I'll study for the boards.  Take the test when I'm ready.  Go to Hilton Head Island in May with my family and then come back and apply for jobs.  This is a time where I don't have to have all the answers right away or know the next step.  I want to go where the Lord is leading anyway.  I will continue to seek his direction!!

Waiting Here For You

First, let me say I'm so pumped that You Tube has now made it SOOOO easy to post videos from their webpage to blogger.  Love it!!


This song has been rocking my world lately.  To the point that I'm either crying or tearing up every time I listen to it.  I love Christy Nockel's voice.  She sings this song with such passion.  


I hope the Lord ministers to you in some way when you listen to this song.  Press play and enjoy!!

Handmaiden

Seven years ago the word handmaiden was spoken over me.  I remember it very clearly.  My MIL was praying for me in the living room of her old house.  She said something about me being the Lord's handmaiden.

Okay??!!  What does that mean.

I remember going home and looking up the word.  "Servant of the Lord."  Hmmm....


Am I going into ministry?  What does it mean to be a servant of the Lord?  Is He going to send me on a mission trip?


I literally had not clue what this meant.  Shortly after the prayer by my MIL, I remember the movie "Passion of the Christ" came out.  Two times the word handmaiden was used in the movie.  This time it was in relation to Mary being a handmaiden of the Lord.


Okay.  Does this mean I'm going to bear godly children?  That I'm going work with pregnant people?  Once again I was perplexed by this word.


Over the past 7 years this word has been spoken over my life numerous times.  Too many times to count actually.  Just this past January the word was brought up again by a dear friend of mine.  I tried looking for her email, but I was only able to find my response to it.  Basically she told me the Lord wanted to remind me again that I am his handmaiden and that he has a plan for me.  


This is the exact email I sent back to her, "Thank you for sharing about the handmaiden thing.  I find it interesting that the Lord keeps using this word in my life (it's been 7 years now!!) yet I still have no idea how it's going to play out.  I want to know!!!  I'm working hard at trusting the Lord.  Some days are better than others.  Last year I was committed to listening to worship or teachings instead of the radio and this year I'm committed to diving into the Bible."

Are you ready for this???

Are you sure????

Did you know that NURSES used to be called handmaidens to doctors!!!


Collect yourselves now.  Hold it together.  I nearly fell out of my chair as well.  And then I said, "I get it!!!  Lord, I finally get it!!!"


I have felt called to nursing for years, but now it all makes sense.  Stumbling upon this information, while I was doing homework for nursing school, has brought a lot of confirmation and confidence to my life.


The Lord does have a plan for me!  He is in control and I am walking in his will.  Can I get an AAAAAAAAmen!!!

Thank you, Jesus, for this opportunity to trust You more.

I wish I could take credit for the title of this blog post, but I have to give a shout out to a certain author named, Sarah Young.  Her book, Jesus Calling, has been rocking my world this year.


In fact, it's one of the things that inspired me to start this blog.  I was coming across so many awesome quotes, words of wisdom, Bible verses, etc. that I wanted a place where I could journal them and expound upon them.


I'm sure we all have opportunities we can think of where we need to trust Jesus more.  For me, right now, it's finding a job.  Lately, I have found myself in panic mode.  

How am I going to find a job?  

What if I never get an interview?  

What if I do get an interview and they don't pick me?  

What if I have to work on a floor that I don't like?  

I finally had to tell myself to snap out of it this past week and to calm down.  I don't have to rush but I find myself panicking like I might miss the perfect job.


But wait.  If I'm trusting in God to lead me to the perfect job, then how am I going to miss it??


"When you try to figure out the future, you are grasping at things that are Mine.  This, like all forms of worry, is an act of rebellion: doubting My promises to care for you.  Whenever you find yourself worrying about the future, repent and return to Me.  I will show you the next step forward, and the one after that, and the one after that.  Relax and enjoy the journey in My Presence, trusting Me to open up the way before you as you go."-Jesus Calling by Sarah Young


I don't know about you, but that devotion hit me upside the head.


I love that this opportunity is going to challenge me to trust Jesus more.  I really am excited to see what the Lord has in store for me as a nurse.  It's my own weaknesses of wanting to be in control and wanting to know the future that trip me up.  


My daily prayer has been going something like this, "Lord, help me to submit my job search to you.  Lead me in the way I should go.  Please reveal your will to me.  Help me to be satisfied in whatever job you have chosen for me."


You see, I really want a job in labor and delivery.  But what if the Lord wants me to work in another area for right now?!  At first thought, I was a little crushed at the idea that the Lord may not place me in L&D.  When I really get down to what do I want, I want the Lord's will for my life.  If he wants to place me in a small town hospital working with cancer patients, then that's what I want to do.  Or should I say, that's what I want my heart to then want to do.  I know the Lord is going to have to do a work in me to soften my heart to whatever he has in store because I have a pretty clear idea of what I'd like to do, but it may not be what the Lord wants me do.  Right now I'm working on submitting my desires to him so I can be open to receive the blessing of whatever job he has in mind.


"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."  Psalm 32:8